“In what way differently?”

I have it all.

Or do I? Do I truly have it all or do I really have nothing.I have had a rough week this week. I can’t blame it on being busy. I have had a rough week emotionally. Becoming more myself on here is hard especially because my emotions are a huge part of what’s going on in my day to day life. Sharing that side of you is hard, I’ve watched bloggers share that side and it pushed me to start sharing that right away. The hardest part right now is probably the moving. Moving two states away from a life you’ve built is hard. The move itself will be something I’m use to. I’ve never lived in the same city for more than 4 years. Yes you read that right. I have never lived in a city for more than 4 years. So I have had my fair share of moves in my life. I have lived in Alabama for a very long time, too long if you ask me. This move is great I am finally leaving Alabama, I am starting a new job I can grow in, I will be close to a major airport – insert wish of wanting to travel more -, I will stretch my wings, and I can have so many more experiences. On the other hand, I’m leaving a lot of familiarity behind. One that I have been able to keep with me during all big changes like this one. We moved here when I started high school and now I am almost 4 years out of college. Within those years I lived in 3 different cities but each move I was still driving distance from my biggest support system. My support system has moved to each state with me however this move is different.

This move I’m putting two states between me and my support system.

I am very lucky because I do have a support system in Texas but it’s not the same as the one I’m leaving in Alabama. Deep down I am worried that I am being looked at as picking one over the other though I need both to survive. I’m stuck in an emotional state of how do I handle this change and how to not seem like the ass I think I am being.

I also have a fear that leaving my support system in Alabama seems like I am leaving them when they need me. It’s been a hard year and the year has just begun. I want to be there for them like they have been there for me but this move was looming and the dates were set.

So what does a person do when they finally take that step and pushed fear away but have a new fear they never thought they would have to deal with?

I guess the only thing she can do. Take the step. See where it leads and what doors and windows open. Pray that everyone knows deep down you are making this decision for you and it is nothing anyone did.

“In what way differently?” – The Reader, 2008

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