Letting someone change you is not something I take lightly.
Let me rephrase that. I do not like when someone changes for someone else. I do not like when someone changes who he or she is so they can be with someone. The worse is when they do not even know they are doing it. The thing is I have done that before. I know what it looks like now looking back. I sometimes wonder if that was a huge problem with parts of my life and blog in the past.
When I went off to college, I finally was able to make friends with people because I actually liked them. Not because they were the only people in a class of 60 that I kind of liked. Making friends with people I actually liked showed and taught me about things that I never noticed about old relationships. Have you ever heard of the saying ‘if you don’t stand for anything, you will fall for everything’? That was me in high school and sometimes I still struggle with that today. We all desperately want to fit in with someone.
I was shown the light that I had not been my true self in high school with my classmates specifically because I was trying so hard to fit in. Therefore, I was changing myself to fit in.
I do not want to go in details about it because it is not something I can put easily into words. I can say this: when you are with someone new and different you realize a lot more about past relationships. You realize something is good when it is gone or you realize something was bad when you have something good.
Knowing what this now feels like and looks like I can pick it out when someone close to me does it. I hate when I see someone close to me change for someone else. I have become a huge advocate for being you and not giving a rat’s ass about what other people think. That includes boyfriends and family. I’m not saying you cannot compromise or change slightly I am just saying do not lose yourself.
One mainly sees the changes with boy-girl, girl-boy, girl-girl, boy-boy relationships: any relationship that includes a significant other. Some of the changes are forced and some the respected party does on their own. Some of the changes are also in retrospect good for the person.
I just do not get it. Why change what you eat? Why change into a now fitness person? Why give up sweets? Just because your significant other does that? Why act like an outdoorsy person? Why pretend like you like to go on trips? Just because someone else says, they do and you so desperately want to be with them.
I guess I have truly become that person that wants to be my true self. I do not want to change who I am or what I like to do because someone around me does something completely different or wants me to change.
“You’re supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for God’s sake!” – The Holiday, 2006